Thunder Hates Christmas
I know, I know.
“Thunder,” you say, “You don’t really hate Christmas. How can anyone say that?”
Glad you asked, here we go. After hours of pondering and surfing the Internet, here are the best reasons why Thunder hates the Christmas holidays:
The Christmas Creep: Is it Thunder or does it seem that every Wal-Mart and Target starts advertising for Christmas earlier and earlier each year? I mean, do you really need to see Christmas displays in September? Is it too much to enjoy Halloween before Thunder has to deal with Christmas? And that leads us to the next.
Christmas Shopping: The official beginning of the shopping season celebrating the birth of a revered religious figure is known as “Black Friday.”
Might this be a clue that we’ve lost the meaning of the holiday, people? But year after year, people line up to get into Target at 3 a.m., jostling and shoving each other to get a good place in line before the doors open. Thunder has a short list of things he likes to do at 3 a.m. and visiting the local Target is not one of them.
Christmas Gifts: Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Every gift exchange comes up uneven.
You feel bad if the gift you gave a loved one is cheaper than the one they gave you. You feel guilty if the gift you get is better than the one you gave them. You calculate how much you spend on each person, which basically means you’re putting a price on your love. Ick!
The only good thing about Thunder’s divorce is Thunder doesn’t have to worry about what to get her, her siblings and her parents.
And don’t get Thunder started on the whole “You don’t have to get me anything; it’s enough to spend Christmas together.” Let Thunder tell you guys, that’s horse manure. Don’t fall for it.
Early Christmas Shoppers: The only thing more awful than waiting until Dec. 24 to shop is listening to those who have completed all their shopping in August. Really?
Good for you, keep it to yourself. By the way, this is a strictly female phenomenon. Have you ever heard of a guy doing this? Didn’t think so.
Office Christmas Parties: Super, you mean I have to spend social time with the same people I can hardly stand during my 9-5 day?
And buy some stupid, themed Chinese auction gift to boot? Great, Thunder says, sarcastically.
Christmas Cards: Nothing says “you’re really special to me” like a Christmas card that comes out of a box of 100 identical Christmas Cards.
Even worse is the Christmas news letter. Spare me the news of summer vacation to Tahoe. And if one of you emails Thunder a cutesy reindeer or Santa this year, I will hunt you down and beat you with a stick. I’m just saying.
Christmas Movies: I enjoyed “Christmas Story,” “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Miracle on 34th Street” the first 867 times I saw them. One notable exception: “Bad Santa.” Otherwise I’d rather watch “Sex and the City” reruns.
Christmas Songs: See above. I still like “Santa Clause is coming to Town” by Springsteen and “The Christmas Song” by Nat King Cole. Every other song gets put on the Christmas Yule log.
The People Who Aren’t Here Anymore: Whether it’s a parent or loved one who has passed on, or a spouse who just left, the holidays always bring about a nagging melancholy where you remember some good times and how much they’re really missed. Sigh.
Thunder Hates That Thunder Hates Christmas: Thunder hates how people look at him when Thunder tells them he’s not a big fan of Christmas. Sort of like the look Britney Spears had during her SAT exam.
Thunder sometimes dislikes the fond memories of warm hearths and toys found under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. It feels like something has been lost.
But mostly Thunder wishes he could just fit in with the grinning mob, relax, and enjoy.
Either Thunder is contrarian or just plain contrary. Double sigh.
But, on the other hand, there must be something to the season for so many people to be moved. Of course, there is the reason for the season; the birth of a figure which billions believe is a messenger of hope and peace. In this often cruel and unjust world, this belief carries many through their day to day existence, inspiring them to treat others as they would be treated. So the birth of a person who is the wellspring of so much good in the world should be the source of celebration.
And on a smaller scale, there is much to appreciate. It’s always special to see loved ones this time of year. The loss of others you held dear makes you cherish those who are still with us. The smell of Christmas cookies baking in the oven. The sounds of laughter which seem more prevalent. The joy of children as the big day draws closer. The feeling of peace you feel as you watch it snow. So maybe, just maybe, there is much to celebrate this time of year. In this crazy, mixed up world, any occasion to feel joy, peace, and love, is worth quite a lot.
