February 3, 2023

Thunder Returns!

These are troubling times, my friends. Wage levels in the middle class have barely changed since the 1970’s. Globalization and technological changes have made the world a flatter and more dangerous place. Bloody uprisings the world over are making dictators more nervous than Donald Trump’s hair in a wind tunnel.

At home, Democrats and Republicans engage in more name calling than problem solving. Hard working people can’t find a job. Large investment banks lose billions of dollars while their executives continue to collect huge bonuses. Social Security is about to tank; we don’t have a coherent energy policy; and every few weeks a deranged shooter takes to the streets.  The times appear darker than Mitt Romney’s soul.

Conan the Barbarian

Actual photo of Thunder.

“So, Thunder,” you may ask, “how do you propose we sort through such a sordid mess? How do we get ourselves out of this morass?”

Heck if I know. Like most Americans, I’ll stick my head in the sand and hope that people smarter than me will figure it all out. So long as the AC keeps working and my cable doesn’t go out, I’ll be happy as a tornado in a trailer park. I’m just here to write about fantasy football.

“So, Thunder,”  you may ask, “what makes you such an expert?”

Well, I thought you’d never ask. I’ve been playing since 1995, usually in three or four leagues a year. I’ve won approximately 20 league championships during that time. I’ve been kicked out of two leagues and two marriages during this period, probably for reasons which are not coincidental. I’ve won so much I’ve earned the right to speak about myself in the third person. My life motto and fantasy football motto are best expressed by the classic quote from the 1982 film, Conan the Barbarian:

Mongol General: “What is best in life?”
Conan: “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.”

How cool is that? I mean any quote that has a Mongol General involved has got to be the bomb. I’m just saying!

Many thanks to our intrepid publisher for giving Thunder a voice again this season and having the courage to give you, the readers, a little something out of the ordinary.

Thunder will do his very best to inform and entertain. Next column, Thunder will dispense a little advice on how to set up your league as well as advice on your draft. Thunder looks forward to spending a little time with you this fall and wishes you the best of luck in winning your league and basking in the glory of your defeated enemies.

Hail Thunder!

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